Jimmy Kimmel says JD Vance ‘looks like someone asked AI to make 2 and a half men into one person’

Jimmy Kimmel had a lot of catching up to do during Tuesday’s episode of “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” which marked his return from his summer vacation.

Kimmel, of course, wasn’t around when a lot of big things happened, most notably the big changes in the 2024 presidential election: Joe Biden withdrew as the Democratic Party nominee a month after a disastrous debate against Donald Trump, and Kamala Harris was immediately nominated.

Donald Trump also said a lot of crazy things this summer, so Kimmel spent the first half of his monologue summarizing them at length. Afterward, he joked, “You know, it would have taken a normal person a lifetime to say that many stupid things in public. Trump did it in two months.”

Finally, he turned to the topic of the current vice presidential candidates, starting with Trump’s pick, J.D. Vance.

“There are a lot of things that Trump is not good at. One of the things he is particularly bad at is picking running mates,” Kimmel said, adding that “He made a huge mistake with this J.D. Vance.”

Vance, Kimmel explained, “can’t stop getting into it… For a man who wears more eyeliner than Liza Minelli, you’d think he’d understand women better,” he said, referring to Vance’s numerous and documented sexist attacks on childless women.

“He is, he looks, J.D. Vance looks like someone asked AI to make the two and a half men one person,” Kimmel continued. “And it’s even worse for Trump, given the home run that Team Harris hit with this Tim Walz.”

“I don’t know where they stashed him, but he’s, I mean, he’s handsome. His blood type is Corn Dog Batter. He’s a member of several pickle of the month clubs,” Kimmel continued. “Tim Walz is the type of guy that if you were sitting next to him on an airplane, he’d ask you, ‘What brings you to Tampa?’ because he genuinely wants to know what brings you to Tampa.”

“JD Vance would just sit there and watch you sleep, you know,” Kimmel added.

Kimmel then said he believes Vance was chosen as Trump’s running mate at the suggestion of his son, Donald Trump Jr.

“Next good move, idiot,” Kimmel said, grinning straight into the camera. “If Trump loses this election, he’s going to sue his son to take away the ‘Junior.'”

Kimmel concluded the portion of the monologue by noting that “things have been looking better” since Kamala Harris became the Democratic Party’s nominee.

“I feel a lot better than I did after the debate. Oh, that was quite a night. It was like half a nightmare, half a hospice.”

Watch the full monologue below:

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