GREG GUTFELD: For Democrats, politics is upstream of everything

So we’re a week away from Election Day and somehow someone is going to win this case. It won’t end in a draw like in football or in the hottest abs in the Cancun match I should have won last year. Right now the polls are razor thin, at least according to the lying, spineless weeds in the media. Because if you were to compare the polls to common sense, you would think we are in two different worlds. There is a festive atmosphere on one side and pure bat madness on the other. How can this be connected when one party is behaving so desperately? I mean, we’re having fun, and they’re having fits calling you Hitler.

The Wall Street Journal says, “America is experiencing an election panic attack.” Certainly. But is it really a both-sides issue? It seems like every four years we only become more polarized. I still remember the good old days when Randi Weingarten and I played men’s doubles. Not anymore. Too much hate. So what are we going to do when it’s over? How does someone get back after calling you a Nazi? Things are about to get really awkward at your cousin’s bar mitzvah. So let’s say you support Trump and he wins. How are you going to respond? You’ll probably beam a little. I’ll probably send the cast of The View a truckload of pigs for comfort.

Maybe you do an end zone dance. But you know, there will be some seriously disapproved people if Trump wins. Damn, they’re already checked off. And looking at recent history, it’s entirely possible that they will riot if Trump wins. That’s why I already boarded up my grandparents. Remember DC in 2017 when Trump was inaugurated and the next four years were just one long nervous breakdown on the left? Just ask the human tampon, Tim Walz. To him, burning down his city was considered freedom of expression. His wife loves the scent, which doesn’t say much about his body spray. And we’re already seeing how libs behave when they think Trump could win.

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You know, yelling at a literal baby isn’t something you do when you’re confident of victory. Unless you’re going to win a paternity test. But we see the same hysteria on TV every day. Okay, Whoopi?

WHOOPI GOLDBERG: What we heard at that meeting should be enough to wake people up because he’s talking about you. He’s talking about you and us. He’s not going to, you know, say, oh, you’re with the white man. I’m going to stop you from being deported… No, he’s going to deport you and put the white man with someone else, the man is out there.

That’s not crazy at all. Seriously, did someone puncture her bag of oats? Things get worse when Morning Joe and The View collide like a 20-foot septic truck hitting a porta-potty.

MSNBC host Mika Brzezinski: No one gets the chance to destroy America. Yes. Puerto Rican Americans. No one gets a pass. Humiliate people. No one gets a pass. Threatening his enemies with the use of the military works against them. No one is given permission to incite an uprising. No one gets a chance to say that he has a crush on Hitler and wants generals like his. No one gets the chance to insult veterans and say that those who died for our country are suckers and losers; except convicted felon Donald Trump.

She needs a pass for the psychiatric ward. These people are not doing well. And if they can’t handle themselves now, imagine in a week. It’s kind of sad that we can only hope that the liberal freak won’t be too bad this time. But what about the other side of that coin? What if Kamala wins? Well, libs have less to worry about from us. January 6 was a one-off. Unlike the Democrats’ endless tumult during the Trump years. By the way, Kudlow’s tip to invest in plywood paid off.

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Of course there will be a lot of grumbling, and I told you so. But the panic has less to do with pro-Trumpers and everything to do with the other side. If Trump loses, God forbid, you, the viewer, may be sad, you may struggle, but you will always come back because your life is prioritized. Don’t forget that. Family, friends, God, work and politics are downstream of that for you. But for Democrats, politics is upstream of everything. That’s why the Dems say they would never even date someone from another political party. That’s fine. Most Republican men don’t like women with penises. Most.

For Democrats, politics has polluted every part of their lives. And if you believe that power underlines all behavior, which is the left’s ideology, then even friendships are transactional. It makes the real world smaller because they miss other people who are not like them. They learn nothing but to hate. But you treat politics differently. You treat it like a box of junk that you take out of the closet every few years, and you keep it away from the kids, away from public gatherings, and you never take it to work.

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January 6 aside, Republicans know how to have fun. Lively gatherings, hilarious memes, brutal freedom of speech. We even changed Joe’s name to Brandon. That sucks. Well, it sucks for him. He already had trouble remembering his real name. Anyway, let’s find out who wins. The President is not the King of America, and we are not his or her or their/their subjects. Whether we lose or win, that message is loud and very clear.

Former President Donald Trump and Vice President Kamala Harris. (Photo illustration) (Fox News)

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The media, the bureaucrats, the corrupt institutions, the elites, they had to realize that we had their number. And I hope that number exceeds theirs next week. But if not, it’s okay because we’re just getting warmed up.