Eva Mendes about children with Ryan Gosling: ‘Changes everything’

For actress Eva Mendes, motherhood meant a huge shift in her life, personally, professionally and emotionally. “It just changes everything,” she tells WHO, as she is mother to children Esmeralda, 10, and Amada, 8, whom she shares with Ryan Gosling. “It has influenced every decision I have made in my life.”

Ten years ago, Mendes, 50, left her acting career behind to focus on the family she created with Gosling, whom she started dating in 2011 after the pair co-starred in the drama. The place beyond the pines.

Her last role was in 2014 Lost riverwritten and directed by Gosling. “I love my job when I work with him because it’s all me, through a character,” she says, noting that she’s most proud when her work feels authentic. “I just want to make it reflective of me and where I am.”

Eva Mendes and her children with Ryan Gosling

Her latest project, a children’s book Desi, Mami and the endless worriesfits exactly, inspired by conversations with her children.

“When my daughter got older and was struggling with certain fears – she’s a nail-biter, I was a nail-biter – I started talking to her about her brain and talking about it as separate from herself,” she tells WHO. “I’d say, ‘You know what? That’s your brain trying to bully you, and that was the only thing that could calm her down or make her feel a little better. I just started telling them both, “Hey, just because you think it doesn’t mean it’s true. Don’t believe everything you think.’ And it started from there.”

For Mendes, the challenges with her own mental health increased when she became a mother.

“Oh my god, I thought I was worried before, talk about endless worries!” she admits. “Especially those first years. I didn’t really think it was postpartum as I knew it, but I had constant thoughts of, ‘What if I die? What if I leave them too soon?’ I was consumed by those thoughts. That was a very difficult time when they were little, and I couldn’t get out of it.”

She has since learned tools to help her cope – “I’ve loved therapy since I could afford it,” she notes – and relies on journaling and keeping in touch with friends. “I have an amazing group of women in my life,” she says. “To connect with a friend, it’s almost like going to church for me.”

The power of friendship lured Mendes back into the spotlight after he bonded with designer Stella McCartney when she lived five months away in London while Gosling shot his upcoming film, Project Hail Mary. McCartney tapped Mendes to star in her cruelty-free winter campaign.

“We had a really nice moment afterwards, when I thought, ‘I’m not doing that for anyone,’” she told WHO. “‘I just did that for you.'”

Leaving her family to work is an important consideration for Mendes, who manages big emotions in her girls through open communication.

“Nothing is off the table in my house. I like to call myself a shame killer. Shame kills the spirit, and I personally know it has no place for me,” she says. “For me it’s just about talking and connecting. Every day is an emotional rollercoaster and that’s a good day – that’s not even a bad day. It just is what it is.”

Other regular events at the Mendes-Gosling home include impromptu dance parties, where Mendes and her daughters engage in disco and ’90s music.

“I carry a speaker everywhere,” she says. “When I need to get out of my head, it’s always the music I listen to. I try to remember to be present with them, so I’m like, “Okay, I’m creating memories today, so let’s make them good ones.” Sometimes I fail, but when I succeed, music plays a big role in that.”

Gosling’s ‘amazing’ talent

Although Mendes also finds cleaning therapeutic — “I love cleaning a kitchen,” she says — it’s Gosling, 43, who feeds them. “I can’t cook. Ryan is a great cook. His shakshouka is amazing,” she reports.

“I know this sounds crazy, but my kids really don’t like my eggs. And it hurts my feelings a little. Apparently it’s a skill and I don’t have it. I clean, I just don’t cook.”

When asked what skills she hopes her daughters will inherit, Mendes has a long list.

“I wish them so many things. It’s not one thing,” she says. “But right now I need some critical thinkers. I really want them to think for themselves and ask questions, ask questions.”