Breaking news? Let’s tune in to Nick Castellanos’ next at-bat

Okay, we need to talk about Nick Castellanos. He can’t keep getting away with this.

By now you’ve probably seen the memes. You’ve probably heard the expression “I pride myself and consider myself a man of faith — if Castellanos hits deep left field, it’s a home run. And that makes it a 4-0 game. I don’t know if I’m going to put this headset on again…”

But it’s gone beyond a simple joke based on a coincidence or two. The man has a talent. And that talent is turning Major League Baseball games into a scene from “Curb Your Enthusiasm.”

It all started on August 19, 2020. Cincinnati Reds announcer Thom Brennaman had just been caught on a hot mic using a homophobic slur. When the broadcast returned, he uttered the now-legendary line as an awkward mea culpa before leaving the booth with his career in ruins. It was the kind of surreal moment destined to go viral, and it did.

Friends, this was just the beginning.

July 5, 2021: In the same stadium as Brennaman’s apology, the Kansas City Royals broadcast took a moment to honor the passing of George A. Gorman — the father of a fellow Royals player. They did so after a break, assuming they’d have time to get through the somber moment before an actual game. Instead, this is what we heard as Castellanos rounded the bases: “There’s never a good time to honor someone on the broadcast, so we apologize for the timing…”

July 31, 2021: It was too early in the process to realize it at the time, but Frontier League announcer Kyle Dawson discovered that Castellanos didn’t even have to be in the ballpark; the mere mention of his name is enough to ruin a serious moment. Dawson was speaking from the heart about his uncle Charlie, who had just passed away, and when Tri-City DH Grant Heyman stepped up to bat, Dawson felt the spirit move.I’ll just show you the footage and hope Nick Castellanos doesn’t overpower us and someone hits a homerun to tie the game.” he said.

Thanks for the moment, Uncle Charlie. I love you. photo.twitter.com/yfRiPHMao6

—Kyle Dawson (@RealKyleDawson) August 1, 2021

“… of course. my goodness.”

May 30, 2022: As the Philadelphia Phillies broadcast paid tribute to fallen service members as part of their Memorial Day broadcast, Castellanos interrupted again with a home run. This is literally the order in which these words were spoken on the broadcast: “… in honor of those who made the ultimate sacrifice. Castellanos hits one deep to the left, he’s gone!“

September 8, 2022: By this point, the meme had become so widespread that fake Nick Castellanos home runs had begun to surface. This meme — which suggested he hit a home run during a broadcast in which Queen Elizabeth II was reduced to a moment of silence before the game — was convincingly edited, but alas: Castellanos was on the IL and didn’t play from September 3-26. People fell for it, though. If someone does something enough times, why would you question whether he’s done it again?

October 11, 2023: At this point, the broadcasters should have known: If there’s a serious conversation or tribute to be had, just wait until after Castellanos’ at-bat to talk about it. Right? Apparently not, because shortly after former Phillies manager Charlie Manuel suffered a stroke, TBS announcer Brian Anderson was tasked with letting the audience know that Manuel was recovering well. But he made the mistake of doing so during Castellanos’ at-bat. The broadcast — which featured video of Manuel throwing left-handed blows at tennis balls in the hospital — couldn’t even cut back to live action in time to see the pitch being deliveredbut they caught the swing. Of course it was a home run.

We’ll get back to home runs in a moment, but let’s pause for a moment to note that there is also a non-home run part to this phenomenon:

• March 27, 2022: was noted when the Toronto Blue Jays broadcast discussed a DUI incident during spring training by Toronto pitching coach Pete Walker.
• June 6, 2023: doubled while the broadcast was about ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease)

Seriously, announcers. Just you wait. The pitch clock hasn’t shortened games so much that you have to rush the somber announcement. The teams even do you the favor of telling you the batting order, so you can choose to do it when someone else is up. Let me introduce the other team’s number 9!

But here’s the thing about legends: Once they’re established, confirmation bias is enough to keep them alive. Consider that if any of these three events from this year had happened on their own, they wouldn’t even be considered coincidences. But when we get to the point—and we’ve been there for a while—where every major news story triggers a compulsion to check the Phillies’ score, these otherwise insignificant events just become more evidence that Castellanos will continue to do this forever and ever.

June 18, 2024: Willie Mays dies. Less than an hour after the news broke, Castellanos hits a walk-off double.

July 13, 2024: There is an assassination attempt on former President Donald Trump. Castellanos had already hit a home run that day and in his next at bat he doubled off the wall.

Sunday: President Joe Biden announces he is dropping out of the presidential race. The news comes on the same day that Thom Brennaman — the man who started this whole thing — gets his first broadcasting job since that fateful day in 2020.

Want to guess what Castellanos did?

To the ‘deep left field’, no less.

He can’t keep doing this, can he?

It could be too late. In fact, this could be the person who killed Nick Castellanos always been. His first professional home run in the minor leagues — and I promise I’m not making this up — came on May 1, 2011.

(Photo of Nick Castellanos hitting a home run in the ninth inning against the Pittsburgh Pirates on Sunday: Charles LeClaire / USA Today)