Ask for Help | Nerd Fitness

For a long time I was proud that I never had to depend on others.

I’m a conflict-avoidant, people-pleaser, so I often prided myself on being NEVER allow myself to rely on others. I certainly would not allow myself to burden anyone else with my problems.

I jokingly shared how I felt about ​asked for help on Instagram the other day​:

I would like to help others without thinking about it. But I saw it as a character flaw in myself (and ONLY myself) if I asked for help.

I believed this was one of my strengths: I try to figure everything out for myself and am ready to help others, but I NEVER ask others for help or guidance.

I have come to realize how foolish—and damaging—this mentality was. And I will emphasize the point in two healthy ways.

Asking for help is a sign of strength

Lord of the Rings has been at the forefront of my mind this past week.

Season 2 of Rings of Power recently started (and early reviews say it’s a definite improvement over season 1, which has me excited!).

I also listened to a 3 part series on The Lord of the Ring on the ​What went wrong? Podcast​. It describes how this trilogy came to be, how many things had to go right, and what a monumental achievement it was to bring Tolkien to the big screen in such an incredible and cinematographically brilliant way.

When I thought about Middle-earth and Lord of the Rings, I thought of one of the memes that ​inspired me to start therapy​. If Aragorn, the manliest man ever (okay, he’s Numenorean and half-elf, but you know what I mean) leaned on his friends… maybe it’s okay for me to lean on others for help, too.

Asking for help is a superpower

While I was thinking about writing this newsletter, I came across a video that put a big smile on my face.

Powerlifter/personal trainer Sherein Abdelhady filmed herself doing heavy deadlifts in a gym. In between sets, a random guy approached her and asked her one of the most useful questions I’ve ever seen in a gym:

“Hey, this is an odd request… but can you teach me how to deadlift?”

His request was polite and respectful, and Abdelhady was more than happy to help him!

As a result, this guy learned how to deadlift from someone who knew a lot more than he did! And now this guy will have a better experience (and probably save himself from injury) for the rest of his life doing this incredible exercise.

What a superpower! Kudos to this man for being a real human being and realizing that asking for help and being open to learning is a fucking superpower.

I’m used to seeing videos of women being approached by idiots who give unsolicited advice or “mansplain” (with horrible recommendations) to women who are far more knowledgeable than the idiot.

So this was an incredible flipping of the script. I love it.

Asking for help (one last thought)

I want to leave you with one final thought before I ask you for a request.

When I ask for help, I tend to follow it up with, “I owe you one.”

This ​thought of professor Adam Grant​ changed my perspective:

I like this.

I have to stop myself EVERY TIME someone helps me, and instead of saying “I owe you one,” I just thank them. I know I would like to help them without expecting a favor in return. I help because it’s the right thing to do!

This is my question to you today:

Was there a time in your life when you avoided getting help and tried to figure it all out on your own?

Can you rephrase this in a more useful way? A way that sees asking for help as a sign of intelligence and strength – not weakness.

Can you ask for help today and NOT say, “Thanks, I owe you one,” but instead just pay it forward?

Ask for help! It’s good enough for Aragron, and this nerd at the gym… it’s probably good enough for you, too.

-Steve